Hmmmm

So, being my first time I hope you will all bear with me! And any feedback greatly appreciated.

I have spent the years since being about 16 being overweight. Not hugely, I'm not a princess who when she picks up a couple of extra kilo's starts to cry - I am at LEAST 15kgs overweight. And I am a good 10kgs lighter than my heaviest weight (that's the good news)

I spent most of my 20's not being able to wear whatever I wanted, and having that awful feeling when around friends and family that the only thought going through their minds when you ate anything was 'She shouldn't be eating that - look at her!'. Whether real or imagined, I have had ENOUGH!

Having turned 30 last year, I have decided that I don't want my 30's to be the same. My 20's were a rather turbulent time, and I really and truly want to settle down and find a little peace. I don't think I'm asking for the world!

A friend of mine has started a blog and I have to give all the credit in the world to her, not only is she one of my closest friends, but she has encouraged me to join this crazy world of blogging.

We both love to write, and maybe being able to send out thoughts / ideas / complaints to the world is just what we need...

I am finally in my own flat, which I love (although can't really afford). I have just secured a great job which has excellent prospects for the future. My exams for this half of the year are almost finished, woohoo! I am going home on holiday next week, for the first time in 5 years, and I feel like things are coming together...

Will I screw it up? Probably. My major fault, which lies at the bottom of most of my problems is that I am intrinsically lazy. This could be part and parcel of my weight issues, and maybe once they're sorted out and I actually start to do some exercise I will find the energy to do lots more things... but as it stands - getting out of bed in the morning is a mission all of its own. Finding energy to do anything even remotely active is completely out of the realm of possibilities.

I have not had any actual exercise since school days, and even then my hockey coach used to have to chase me around the bloody field! I'm aware as you get older things start to head south, and my lack of muscle tone is starting to stress me out... I do not really eat that badly... in fact, I don't eat much at all, just at weird times, I pick, and I definitely love my carbs.

My skin is starting to show the signs of 17 years of smoking (that's more than half my life - eeek!). I'm also partial to the odd bottle of brandy on a weekend (being your classic binge drinker) and have now started a new hobby which is even worse - RED WINE. I used to only drink on an occasion, none of this 'glass of wine with dinner' malarky for me - now, I can convince myself that the odd glass during the week is no biggie... but its just another nail in the coffin of my skin / weight / all round sluggishness.

But enough is enough. I am writing an exam today (why am I on here you may ask... LAZY), then I have maybe another day's worth of work to do on a portfolio. I am going away this weekend, where I intend to have one more blast, then its home to SA. While in SA I hope to have some time to reflect on the last ten years, get my shit sorted and make a plan for the future. Then, when I return, start my new job and implement this new plan, I should be on my way to a better, new me! Here's hoping!

So, I doubt I will be able to blog much while at home, but will crack on with my list of objectives, the processes I will undertake to achieve these objectives and then implement my plan (for those of you who have ever studied communication, you'll understand all the stupid words I just used.. this stuff is seeping into my brain!) and update when I am back.

Hopefully if I manage to achieve my goals I will start to shed this skin of self consciousness that I have slowly cultivated over the last ten years or so. I want to be happier in myself, regardless of what the world throws at me. I want to feel good about myself, not just who I am, but how I look. I used to be confident, not vain, but happy with who I was, and even as the weight crept up on me, I was still happy with the inside... now I'm not so sure anymore.

Right, I'm sure you're all bored to tears by now, any feedback would be great. I'm getting quite excited for this next stage of my life, and hope you'll join me on the journey.