life is good.... life is great, life is like a figure of eight

so, what have we learnt lately? That getting hurt happens and there comes a time when we need to realise how to protect our hearts. Its all well and good getting out there and enjoying spending time with someone, but often they aren't the right one and the search continues....

As above, life twists and turns on us and we find ourselves back at square one wondering how on earth we got there.

Guess some description of what has gone on would help... got me involved with someone who had a lot of baggage. A LOT of baggage, and although I tried to keep my feelings in check the fact that its come to an end has hurt... more than I thought it would... but not as much as it could have! I have clearly learnt to hold back, not jump in two feet first, and have also grown stronger over the years at not getting my heart broken.

Anyway, the goal now is to get back to that happy vibe I had a while ago, put the past behind me and move on... no one but me is going to change my life!

okay, that was a rubbish post

Lately

So, I am a bit slack at writing on here, although the last few weeks have been pretty busy.

Work is still amazing, unfortunately (perhaps not) one of my team resigned, leaving just me and my boss to work the obscene amount of jobs we have on. I therefore got an instant promotion... I am now a consultant! woohoo! Yesterday I got my first jobs to work on my own, and got seven at once from a client. I have sent through the CV's and any placements that I make will be mine, bring on the fees! And my boss has only had good things to say to me, so all good so far.

On the exercise front, I joined the gym. Its bloody expensive, and will require a lot of work, but I think I can do it. I can go in the morning before work, or at lunch time, and still have plenty of time to be social and enjoy life.

I have been to two classes this week (only joined on Wednesday) so am feeling quite happy. I can't walk today after a body pump class, but hey - them's the breaks!

As for how I am feeling, I'm quite positive at the moment.

PS - Will and Grace is the most pathetic program on tv - EVER!

I'm off to watch the rugby this afternoon, and with the extra work that I have been doing (extra job at the cricket) I should have some more cash to spend too. So a full day counting cash at the cricket tomorrow, this weekend will be a quiet one, time to focus on all the other things in life.

This is a bit of a mixed up post... will write when I am feeling a bit more 'literate'

This is harder than I thought.

True to form, I have come up with every possible excuse in the book to not reach my goals this week. Maybe I was a little exuberant with my choices, but at least I have done more this week than previously, and I need to remind myself that this might take time!

Instead of the six hours of walking, I worked late, socialised and played poker instead of doing all the things I should have.

On the plus side, the guilt made me get up on wednesday morning and go for a 45 minute walk before work, and although I felt tired the rest of the day I felt better for it. Last night, although I went out and saw friends, I kept it tidy, was home by 1am, and had the energy to get up this morning and walk for an hour and a half.

Work is proving to be the most inspirational thing for me at the moment. I can't help but grinning like a cheshire cat when people ask how my job is going, because I feel like I have landed in the proverbial butter. Last night at work drinks, I spoke to a lot of people, all of whom wanted to know how my first couple of weeks had been going and how I was enjoying it. I commented plenty of times how well it was going and how nice everyone is, and was assured that this is something that everyone has been through, and to enjoy it because this feeling of 'being in the right place, with the right people' will never leave me.

I have been on two training sessions already, had a review, and feel like my manager is very happy with me. I am trying very hard to give it my all, and learn as much as possible so that I can advance my career as quickly as possible.

All in all, a pretty good week though, and I am just going to have to 'toughen up buttercup' and get back on the horse of wellbeing and exercise, keeping in mind all the goals I want to achieve.

Right, so am off to the rugby now, one or two drinks in the sunshine, and new friends who will hopefully become a much needed social circle.

Have a great weekend!

First day of the rest of my life

I have made a few decisions in the last couple of days. I do keep coming up with ideas that will change my life... moving house, moving country, moving job, career and anything pretty much that I can. Unsettled you say? I totally agree.

However, most of these changes are positive ones. And although I don't always manage to achieve my goals, I think this might be the best place to keep track of and motivate myself to strive towards these milestones.

At my various jobs I have learnt the skill of organising my life and daily tasks. Currently I feel my work life is going ok, and is in the best shape its ever been in. I am finally working towards a career that will mean something to me, I have scored a job in a really great company where I think I can carve out a niche for myself.

I'm not kidding myself - all the things that I want to achieve will require really hard work... but hopefully with my friends egging me on, and having it written down out there in the big wide webby world will help in banishing the laziness that has held me back up until now.

So here is my list of things I have to do:

• Finish studying (work hard, often and hard)
• Exercise (at least six hours a week, preferably while listening to audiobooks to begin with)
• Be the best I can at work and get a promotion before the end of July.

These three pointers are the first and most important to me.

Once these have been accomplished, I can work towards getting involved in some charity volunteer holiday ideas, as well as researching my ideas for a marketing company.

The exercise will help clear my head, and help me study, as well as making me feel good about myself. Making a name for myself at work (that isn't directly related to how many shots I can do at the pub on a weeknight) will also make me feel good about myself.

So all this positiveness is great, and hopefully I can hold onto these ideas and dreams and make them all come true soon!

Hmmmm

So, being my first time I hope you will all bear with me! And any feedback greatly appreciated.

I have spent the years since being about 16 being overweight. Not hugely, I'm not a princess who when she picks up a couple of extra kilo's starts to cry - I am at LEAST 15kgs overweight. And I am a good 10kgs lighter than my heaviest weight (that's the good news)

I spent most of my 20's not being able to wear whatever I wanted, and having that awful feeling when around friends and family that the only thought going through their minds when you ate anything was 'She shouldn't be eating that - look at her!'. Whether real or imagined, I have had ENOUGH!

Having turned 30 last year, I have decided that I don't want my 30's to be the same. My 20's were a rather turbulent time, and I really and truly want to settle down and find a little peace. I don't think I'm asking for the world!

A friend of mine has started a blog and I have to give all the credit in the world to her, not only is she one of my closest friends, but she has encouraged me to join this crazy world of blogging.

We both love to write, and maybe being able to send out thoughts / ideas / complaints to the world is just what we need...

I am finally in my own flat, which I love (although can't really afford). I have just secured a great job which has excellent prospects for the future. My exams for this half of the year are almost finished, woohoo! I am going home on holiday next week, for the first time in 5 years, and I feel like things are coming together...

Will I screw it up? Probably. My major fault, which lies at the bottom of most of my problems is that I am intrinsically lazy. This could be part and parcel of my weight issues, and maybe once they're sorted out and I actually start to do some exercise I will find the energy to do lots more things... but as it stands - getting out of bed in the morning is a mission all of its own. Finding energy to do anything even remotely active is completely out of the realm of possibilities.

I have not had any actual exercise since school days, and even then my hockey coach used to have to chase me around the bloody field! I'm aware as you get older things start to head south, and my lack of muscle tone is starting to stress me out... I do not really eat that badly... in fact, I don't eat much at all, just at weird times, I pick, and I definitely love my carbs.

My skin is starting to show the signs of 17 years of smoking (that's more than half my life - eeek!). I'm also partial to the odd bottle of brandy on a weekend (being your classic binge drinker) and have now started a new hobby which is even worse - RED WINE. I used to only drink on an occasion, none of this 'glass of wine with dinner' malarky for me - now, I can convince myself that the odd glass during the week is no biggie... but its just another nail in the coffin of my skin / weight / all round sluggishness.

But enough is enough. I am writing an exam today (why am I on here you may ask... LAZY), then I have maybe another day's worth of work to do on a portfolio. I am going away this weekend, where I intend to have one more blast, then its home to SA. While in SA I hope to have some time to reflect on the last ten years, get my shit sorted and make a plan for the future. Then, when I return, start my new job and implement this new plan, I should be on my way to a better, new me! Here's hoping!

So, I doubt I will be able to blog much while at home, but will crack on with my list of objectives, the processes I will undertake to achieve these objectives and then implement my plan (for those of you who have ever studied communication, you'll understand all the stupid words I just used.. this stuff is seeping into my brain!) and update when I am back.

Hopefully if I manage to achieve my goals I will start to shed this skin of self consciousness that I have slowly cultivated over the last ten years or so. I want to be happier in myself, regardless of what the world throws at me. I want to feel good about myself, not just who I am, but how I look. I used to be confident, not vain, but happy with who I was, and even as the weight crept up on me, I was still happy with the inside... now I'm not so sure anymore.

Right, I'm sure you're all bored to tears by now, any feedback would be great. I'm getting quite excited for this next stage of my life, and hope you'll join me on the journey.

The story so far

Haven't left yet... that is happening in a couple of weeks! On the 30th November I am leaving London for the last time (hopefully).

I have lived in London for almost 7 years, and I think I'm done now. Its time to see what else the world has to offer.

Once in Thailand, I will start to try and document my travels and what things I get up to along the way.